Sunday afternoon

It's been a great weekend, and after I finally settled into the simplicity of everyday life, I really enjoyed it. The review was a good one, Kit and I are learning each other's style and by the time the week came to a close, it felt a lot more like we were in it to get the job done, rather than some sort of job review for me personally. As usual, I have a lot on my plate to make sure everything is done to spec, that everything is caught up, but I'm not in it alone, and I feel like I have a good team. It's taken a while, for sure. Here's a shot of my crew, with Kit on the left. He's the review team leader, my technical lead. Next from left to right is John Rule, the one who will not retire and wants to be pushed over into a soil pit when he dies in the field. Dean is next, he is the MLRA project leader from Chico who has been detailed here to work for me during the field season. Ben is a soil scientist from Montana who was in my group at the first Basic Soil Survey session that I taught a couple of years ago. Alison is from Chicago, and has been a soil scientist for a few years, but hasn't had much chance to actually map soils. I miss Stacy a lot for good reasons and some not so good reasons. I ran out of black ink for the printer on Friday, and that's a bad reason. I depended on her too much, I think. She kept track of ink, while soaking in every possible thing she could learn about soil survey, I still never ran out of ink.

John and I have learned to give each other room for our personal style as well. I let John do what he needs to do, and have learned to just get all the good that he has to offer in his own unique way, and he has quit fighting me and my authority. We seem to have figured it out most of the time at least.

Ben and Alison are just a kick, both of them here for the short run, but willing to work hard and they both are fun to be around. They have managed to coerce me into doing a zip-line up at the Mercer caverns some weekend soon. geez. Back to that old thing of cultivating young friends. Ha! hard on the bones, though. LOL.

They both are a little bit daunted by the depth of all the soils around here, and just how much digging is required to see them as deeply as we need to see them.

On Wednesday, I had them go with us for our mid-week break to Table Mountain. Kit said it was like blasphemy, we all went to the mountain without shovels. That was my plan, actually. I always make a new soil scientist walk their ground without a shovel when they first start to map an area because I want them to really SEE the landscape and look at the landforms and come up with their theories before they get their heads caught up in the details of the soils themselves. Kit teased me about this, but he got it. This part of Table Mountain is about 1600 feet in elevation and the part that we mapped last year is only about 1000 feet high. It's amazing how this landform snakes all the way to the top of the Sierra's. Inverted topography at it's best.

http://virtual.yosemite.cc.ca.us/ghayes/Table%20Mountain.htm

It was a good day and a good week, and it has been a good weekend. Spring in this part of the world is certainly a lovely thing, with green everywhere, flowers blooming, cool nights and warm sunshiny days. Who could ask for more.

Morning RUMInations

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness,

Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all.

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, Meet them at the door laughing,

And invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

~rumi~

I love these little tickers!

Guess I'm famous now

http://www.rvresources.com/

We are RVer's of the Month for April. I found this rv resources site searching for some kind of rv information and it led to me posting my travel blog there as well. It's been fun, but I never imagined that we would get the RVer of the month thing. Tickles me.

Progress Review this week

Ah the life of a soil scientist. The review thing. This one is different than most, since we did the field portion last fall and this week will be slogging around in the database, checking mapunit design and composition, NASIS data, and all our mapping to date on the GIS. Soil survey has changed a lot since I started this job back in the 70's. I would write a soil series from a handwritten description by hand, would send it off to a distant office to be typed, and to another distant office to be checked against existing soil series. Maybe in 6 months we would get it back, approved and edited. Now we do all that ourselves, from descriptions that are entered in NASIS and out pops a series description that we edit and check on the internet for other series that may be the same. Our database used to be generated from a thing called a SOI 5, a 2 page form that we also filled out by hand and that was sent off to another computer somewhere to create soils tables. That's all done in NASIS now, National Soil Information System, which pops out reports by the hundreds and you just have to find the ones you want. Sounds easy, right? ha! Consistency is still and always the issue. The more data you generate the more it all has to match. Hence progress reviews in the office.

That's what I will be doing all week this week, in addition to keeping my two visiting soil scientists busy, and making sure that the review team leader from the state office is satisfied with the quality of the work. As usual, quality and quantity are the needs, both at once, and for less money and less time and more and more information generated and used. Just for fun, check out the final product here: http://websoilsurvey.nrcs.usda.gov/app/ and here
http://www.soils.usda.gov/

Thoughtful conversation

I really like Andrew Sullivan. Over the past few years, catching him now and then on a news or a talk show, he has seemed to me to represent what a thinking conservative might be, and I liked to listen to him because he made sense. I felt I could hear him and perhaps understand that "right of the right" movement in this country that wasn't informed by radical preachers screaming hellfire and damnation. So my ears would perk up when he appeared.

Because I truly respect his intellect, I searched and found his blog, and lo and behold, he is an Obama fan. Today I found a post there that said all that I wish I could paraphrase for my conservative friends who once supported the war and no longer do. Maybe they aren't as articulate but maybe these are the principles beneath what they are thinking that causes that shake of the head and frustration with Bush's war.

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/03/what-i-got-wron.html#more

Most of my friends were with me protesting the war before it happened, left of center, I am not a total radical lefty liberal. Stacy calls us "progressive liberals" whatever that means. But wherever you fall on this balance, take a minute and read this post by Andrew about why he was wrong about Iraq.

And my grandsons have been there, are still there fighting, while even once strong supporters like Andrew Sullivan are rethinking their position. I would imagine that Steven, doing his job and doing his best, called against his will, but willing to serve, knows that up close, at the level he is doing it, it's good work. I honor him. The sadness at the highest levels of government in this country don't have anything at all to do with how I feel about young men willing to serve this country. It's a quandary, for sure.

So after a break from work, I'll go back to thinking about rock fragments, and iron content, and pH and horizons and quit worrying about my grandson in Iraq and all the missteps and ego that put him there in the first place

Rocky Point

I'm home in Rocky Point. Mo is outside plowing snow and I am trying to catch up. It's snowing outside right now. The snow is so deep here that Mo has boards over her windows so that they don't get broken by the crashing snow when it melts. You can't see over the snowbanks in front of the porches. I am in jammies and will remain so until bedtime. No plans for anything other than knitting, tv, reading blogs, catching up on Quicken, and just hanging out. Tomorrow is David's wedding, late afternoon trip to Klamath for a sweet friend and his bride, then a lovely dinner at the Ragland afterward and back to Rocky Point. Sunday morning I will leave early enough to hopefully get home before dark. Back to Jamestown and my kitties which I do really miss.

Funny, the travel blog is for some kind of public consumption I guess. Mo says, "don't put anything personal in there". She likes to share it with her family and friends, but of course it's then not the place for me to ramble on and on about "stuff". This is the "stuff" place, and only my best friends even know where this is. It's my ramble site. So I'm rambling. I really really want to put photos in here of all this snow, but of course in Rocky Point it's still dialup unless you pop for satellite service, so no photos till I get back home. Back to cats and my DVR. LOL I do love that DVR thing where I am not tied to TV for anything at all, but when I want it I get just what I want when I want! Talk about instant gratification!!! Time to catch up on all my guilty pleasures, like American Idol and the L Word.

I have all sorts of visions of Kauai, some of the dream was just what I imagined, maybe even better. Some of it was just another place to travel, maybe not as magical as I had imagined, but then I guess that happens. The waterfall moment was incredible, it's what sticks in my mind from the whole place, that and the snorkel day, and the combo sound of tropical breezes, ocean waves, and the fans, mixed with birds in the morning as the sun rose quietly. I would go back, yes, for sure I would go back. But some of the magic of Kauai is also right here in the states in places like Edisto Beach, same sighing wind and surf sounds and palms. Maybe not the drama of the NaPali coast, or Waimea Canyon, but maybe a bit more laid back. Kauai could have been a bit more laid back if we hadn't wanted to see as much of it as we could. If I went back, I would beach and snorkel more, and I would try to get to the NaPali coast on a kayak.

But now, instead, I am reading work email, thinking frustrating thoughts about deadlines, and goals, and people coming in that I have to manage. Work. Life. For now. Just for now. 15 months.

Jeremy's birthday and he's somewhere in Texas training, Steven in Iraq, blogging thank goodness, Matthew working in Colorado, for the moment a bit absent, Deb doing her thing, doing well in Portland, Melody living her amazing creative life, Deanna back on the road, John learning to live a different way now that Linda is gone. All the people I love, coming and going, and I am coming and going, and coming back. Watching the snow. Reading blogs. Keeping the fire going while Mo plows the snow. Life is good.

Kauai

Ahh, yes, I am here and trying to blog, but the internet isn't making it very easy. Seems as though the router is in the other unit and the owner of this place doesn't want to disturb them, so our connection isn't working. So then the air card does work, but omigosh, it's as bad as dialup here in the more remote regions of this island. So if you want to see how I am doing, don't forget to go over to http://www.mohotravels.blogspot.com/ to read all about it. Hopefully before long something will actually be up there. I'm relaxing, swimming, snorkeling, eating a lot of very sweet pineapple and generally having a fantastic time. I'm writing and reading and enjoying every minute of this except for the momentary frustration when I attempt to do anything online. Our cell phones are working, however, so if you need me, just call. And of course, the pictures are on my picassa page too.

A walk in the park

California development mentality

Leap Day in Sonora

Sometime, sometimes I take pleasure in this part of California. I think this may have happened last year at this time as well, but springtime in the Sierra Nevada Foothills is quite lovely. After work last night, running to the store before going home, out behind an ugly parking lot, I was brought up short by this fiery sky. Leap Day 2008. February going out with a brilliant show of fire.

Saturday thoughts

" the truth is, of course, that we can always trust the soul to pilot our craft wisely and to know, like a migrating swallow, the true direction of our journey, even if that direction is one the ego might not like or approve. After all, only soul has the proper map. The map we carry around in the pockets of our everyday minds is but a blurred photocopy of one tiny seciton, so how could we possibly presume to navigate from that?"

Every now and then I am brought up short by someone writing words that have been rolling around in my consciousness for a time. This quote is from a book called "Elderwoman" given to me last year by Susan. I have been having mental conversations with myself and others lately about life and love and choices and how we get from here to there. Trying to explain this inner sense that I am where I need to be, that what is put in front of me is not an accident, and that I turn to that thing during times in my life when I might be casting around looking for other things. I turn to what is there. It is because of this very belief, that my Soul knows and can see the map even if I can't. I've learned to trust that. It's fun to find something like this on a gray Saturday morning when I am feeling a bit disconnected.

Big Sigh

Ahh, and not a good or a bad sigh, really, just a sigh. Mo left this morning for Klamath after the two of us spending more than a month traveling, and then a month remodeling. I am now back to me, some space, time to do nothing. No painting walls after work, and I can lie in bed and eat ice cream if I want. Ha! There ARE some guilty pleasures to living alone. Although if I had to choose I would give up eating ice cream in bed for comfortable companionship.

Susan and I have talked about this a lot. How do you keep from losing yourself in the process of sharing life with another person. I am not sure, because no matter how much I feel as though I am an independent entity, there are still subtle differences around the way I am when Mo is around and when she isn't. But I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. Most of the places where I am different are self indulgent kinds of things that I don't do so much when I am not alone. Whining. I don't whine as much. Hah! Now that's funny to me even as I write it.

Although I don't have as much time to listen to others whining either, and maybe sometimes sharing that gentle thing, that little bit of whining thing, with friends, isn't so bad. I'm not sure. I am re-evaluating some of that I guess.

But I am not whining right now, not even to myself. I have 3 weeks of alone working time, get the house cleaned up, all rooms at once finally, relax a bit, work long hours again and get caught up on things, and then we leave for Kauai. 3 weeks alone is a nice thing, I think. Nice thing when I know it's not the way my life is going forever, and that I will have some companionship more often than not. Makes the alone thing quite pleasureable actually.

Maryruth will come this weekend to visit for a couple of days and we can have some girl time. We will play cards and cook and eat and talk about our kids and lives and laugh a lot as usual. Nothing like lifetime girlfriends for that kind of thing. I am blessed.

I am blessed this day because it isn't raining or snowing or blowing or hot, it's just a clear lovely cool beautiful day in California in February. My most whiney month. In days past when I would call Maryruth and be all out of sorts and unhappy, she would say, "Gee, it must be February". Long cold wet gray winter days that go on forever with no end it sight, and no sunlight would just do me in. At the moment I am watching the sun brighten the hills as it comes up all golden and peach colored, and the live oaks with their full leafed out canopies are still green above the green grass of the ball field at the school across the street from my office. Not a bad February view, and not a bad day for Mo to be driving north, up I-5, home to Klamath. Back to several feet of snow and freezing fog. Gee, that sounds fun! Ha again. I am counting my blessings

Decision

So after what seems likes weeks of rain, the sun is shining today. This weekend Mo and I finished up another bathroom and started on the last 2 bedrooms. It's amazing what color and texture and fresh trim can do for a room. I love it. My big master bath looks really clean and lovely, and before Mo leaves next week, the whole project should be finished.

And I have been thinking. and thinking. and thinking. Only the drivel has finally settled into a decision, and I have decided that the move isn't worth it. After 60 plus years of living, I know the signs. I remember the times when I have agonized over choices like this, and had those dreams that brought up the warnings. I remember the times I listened and the times that I didn't. There are always issues, and always choices, and always drawbacks and advantages, but I am listening to the voice inside that keeps nagging me at 3 in the morning, that populates my dreams, and my waking hours with should I, shouldn't I, should I.

And it seems that I shouldn't, so I won't. I have decided that I am going to stay here and just ride it out for the next year, maybe a bit more, but no more than June of 2009. The uncertainty of the actual reality of the MLRA job in Redmond is the bigger issue, the fact that this initial focus is as big in Oregon as it is in California, and I could end up just being the same kind of glorified project leader there that I am here. Mapping and digging instead of managing and correlating. That would be my biggest reason for moving. Reality is that even 3 hours distant is still hard to do often. How many times would I actually get to Portland or Albany in the next year anyway, especially if I am dealing with a new job, a new assignment, a new crew, new expectations. Then of course, there is my attachment to my home. I need my home, my space, my colors, all the things that make a space feel good to me, and here finally I have that. The world outside can be pretty awful sometimes, but my inner space is my sanctuary, my haven, my respite. Could I live 2 years in a nondescript apartment, or a studio space, no home, nothing that is mine, while I work, probably on travel most of the time, and who knows in what kind of office space.??

I finally decided that the known issues are easier to manage than the unknown. I finally decided that I am, yes I am going to say it, too damn old to keep doing this jumping off thing! I am going to be prudent, and focus, and just get this part of my life over and on to the next part without shooting myself in the foot in the mean time. No matter where I go, there I am. The work load will ALWAYS be too much in this agency, the work will ALWAYS be more physical that I am ready to keep doing after 30 years. I'm burned out, I guess, and tired, and ready to retire, and that won't be any different in Redmond than it is here. I can't run from the realities of it all. I can just do the best I can right where I am.

Mo had been really supportive of whatever choice I made, but I laughed when she said the other day, "Well, if you decide to stay here, I'll make a commitment to come down at least one week a month until you are done, and I'll pay for your move back to Oregon". So that, in itself, wouldn't make or break the decision, but it did let me know just how worried she is about me leaving the mobile unsold before the market gets better. It's not fiscally smart for me to think I can pay 500 a month for nothing, for it just to sit here until it sells, while I am trying to keep from losing my empty house in Klamath and keep a roof over my head in a new world. All over again. So not again.

I know myself, and no matter where I go, there is that 2 year thing that happens, that unsettled thing. It's just possibly starting to dissipate a bit here, or maybe not, maybe it's only right now in the clear cool unsmoggy sunlight that I feel this way. But I remember early Saturday mornings going to the farmer's market, huge sweet tomatoes, and the few months of green lovely hills before the crispy summer arrives. I can live through one more summer of crispy hot hell. Just one more. But I will have my home, and Mo will visit, and the farmers market, and the work will be heavy and hard, but I can do it one more time. Just one more time.

So I am here. And will be here till I am done.

Just don't bother, it's all drivel

January 31, 2008
Thursday afternoon at the office on a very gray day

No time for lunch today, I settled for fast food from the snack machine downstairs, a candy bar, some pepperoni sticks. Eating that junk just made me want some real food. I have some leftover winter vegetable stew in the fridge at home, and hopefully on this dark rainy day that will be hot and satisfying whenever I get there.

Been fairly focused at work this week, going in early and coming home late. Without much in between. Working in NASIS, checking pedons in Pedon PC, writing OSD’s and TUD’s and trying to get a start on the DMU’s. All at once. And the digitizing of the maps is on the back burner again, while I tackle all this other stuff. Also on the back burner is the planning for the new crew coming in March. But that’s another story as well.

Deanna and Steven are blogging about their travels and adventures and Melody has some really great photos up to distract me, but not for long. I have also found a bunch of rv travelogues which just make me want to be anywhere but here going to work day after day. They show photos of Arizona sunsets and California deserts and Texas Big Bend Canyons that are all blustery and sunny on cool winter days, but not gray and rainy and dull. February is the same no matter where you are I guess, unless you are really very far south in this country, or in some tropical place.

Been watching the weather on Kauai as well, in Anahola Bay where we will be staying, and it’s raining there too, almost every day. The difference is that it is warm, and the rain comes every day, but not all day. Sunlight and warmth and tropical rains sound really delightful after all this gray wet cold stuff that has been coming down in the Mother Lode.

I got a call from Matthew today in Salem, saying he had been talking with Chad about the jobs to be advertised in Oregon. Looks as though they won’t get advertised until late February now, and that means the timeline for that possibility has moved up into late May, probably after I teach Basic Soil Survey in Lincoln. If then.

I go back and forth on that possibility, should I apply? Should I just stay here and ride it out? Deanna brought up the one thing that made me stop cold however, and that was the thought that even if I stay here, what if I decided that I needed to work longer anyway, then I would be stuck here for another two years. Two more killer hot summers working in poison oak, being far from my family, no chance to go hang out with Mo in the cool northwest, to kayak the Klamath, to get out of the heat and traffic and smog. Two more whole summers. That one brought me up short.

I have been thinking that if I stayed here I would try to retire in little more than a year, one more field season. Retiring in June of 09. But the reality is that I will probably procrastinate, trying to build up just a little more savings, trying to save a bit after the bills are paid, the debts are gone, the house is sold. How hard WILL it be to give up my salary, to actually do it!!? I don’t have a clue.

My house feels good now. Mo is here visiting, and during the day she works on the remodeling and painting. I go home and fix something for us to eat, since she really doesn’t like to do that. Mo is great at cycling laundry, I keep things clean, she does the wash, I cook. We watch Morning Joe at 530 after the dog is walked and the cats are fed, sharing coffee and laughing at stupid commercials and the antics of both political parties. We read the paper, watch the news, and play some dominoes after supper, and usually go early to bed and get ready for another day. It’s a simple routine, easy, quiet, predictable. The only time we have argued since we have been together daily since last Dec 1 is when I worked too late one night and she got pissy about having to do all the remodeling alone. That went away quickly, though, as soon as we had a 3 day weekend and I had time to do my share at home as well.

It’s all ok for now, but how will I feel when she goes back to her home in Oregon and one more time I am here, feeling lonely, feeling isolated, frustrated because the miles and the money back home to kids and family is more than I can manage? Do I really want to keep living like that for another 2 years?

All that is why I keep thinking about applying for the Redmond job. But that’s not necessarily any better work than I have here. It’s new, it’s a crap shoot, really, with new people to manage, new digs to get adjusted to, new boss, all new again. This job is hard, it sucks up my life, but that one would probably do the same. Any work that I do between now and the time I retire will suck up my life I am afraid. They just want more and more from us, and it gets more and more demanding to get it all done.

Redmond isn’t that great a place to live, either, it’s funky and not too clean, with funky people and snow and ice in the winter. Smith Rock SP is there, and I wouldn’t mind living near that place on the hill facing the western sky, with a view of the Cascades, and open space, but who knows if there is even anything there that would be possible for me to live in, that I could afford. Bend has all sorts of wonderful amenities, shopping, food, water, restaurants, but the traffic is every bit as bad as it is here. It’s more open, not claustrophobic, and of course, there is the 3 hour trip to get back home to Klamath, something I could do quite often if I didn’t have a home that demanded a lot of time.

All these thoughts just go round and round in my head. Do I want to go back to Oregon? Do I want to just finish it out here and deal with what is a known, rather than going back into the unknown again. Really, it’s more about where I would be living and working than anything else. The office in Redmond is crowded, and probably doesn’t have any kind of view, and no privacy, and I would have people around me all the time, no freedom, no space, no way to get away from all of it. Unless of course I was actually mapping on my own. Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, mapping in country that actually had access and vegetation correlations and soils that aren’t 100 inches deep everywhere with bullet proof argillics. Maybe that would make it ok.

But the home thing is still out there. I don’t have a clue about that one. If I do sell my house, and there are no guarantees there, but if I did, my debts would be reduced considerably. I would use the dollars to pay most of the debt down, at least the biggest part. And if this place sold and I didn’t have to worry about rent here in California, I could then rent something there in Redmond that might feel ok. Maybe. Maybe. That’s the whole thing, that damn maybe thing. I know it took me 2 years to settle in here, finally, and sometimes I feel as though I am settling, and then of course the hot smoggy days full of cars and traffic and I yell, “I hate it here”. What to do, what to do. Sigh again.

new travel post

http://mohotravels.blogspot.com/
Just a little post over on the travel blog about some of the funnier details of having an RV.

Wild rides and seeing Deanna

http://picasaweb.google.com/kyotesue/MoHoToOregon

Last Monday was a holiday for me, so Mo and I ran down to the valley to get some work done on the MoHo. Didn't happen, but we had a fun day any way. Did the Home Depot thing and even got to go to Costco, which I don't do here in California because it's too far away for me to justify the purchase of a membership. Got home by 3 and had time to make a great baked chicken dinner with oven fries. Amazing how easy it is to not feel guilty when your fries are baked not fried.

Mo was was planning to go to Klamath this week by herself to try to get the MoHo registered, and we kept watching the weather window, with really cold temperatures and snow. The window was pretty short and the T up there was 0 to 5 degrees, not a good plan for being in a motorhome with the water lines still not winterized. So Monday afternoon while cooking supper I had a brainstorm. "Let's leave a 2 am, I'll go with you, we will get to Klamath mid day when it is a warm 25 degrees, there is no snow predicted for at least 2 days, and we will get out of Klamath and back down off the mountain (Shasta) by dark. I can help drive and we can do it."

So we did it. Left at 2 am, got home 24 hours later at 2:30 am. whew. The funniest part for me was that while the alarm was set for 2 am, so we could leave at 3, I woke up at something like 11:30, and couldn't sleep, so we just gave up and got up and left. 3 hours sleep doesn't work too well for me! I am at work today and my brain isn't functioning at all. It was a fun trip, though, an adventure, with a bit of excitement added. About 80 miles from home with more than 300 to go the moho dropped something important on the freeway at high speeds. Guess the manifold and exhaust system didn't have a clamp done right and everything came undone.

Because of the time window, heavy rain in California, at the fact that it was 3 am and nothing was open, we just kept going and made it all the way to Klamath. I can't tell you what a Ford V10 sounds like with no muffled exhaust system, especially climbing up the pass over Mt Shasta. Hysterical. We bombed into the rest areas in our new fancy rig sounding like some kind of teenager from 50's hell. Got to Klamath by 10 am and managed to get the thing fixed right away at the Ford dealer. Amazing that they said, "oh here, let us roll her in right now", instead of "come back a week from Tuesday" The guys were laughing when we drove it in, saying, "Hmmm, did someone drive over a snoberm somewhere?" "No, we don't live in this stuff, we did this in California!" The question was valid, since Klamath has had a real winter this year, and the berms are piled up everywhere in parking lots and between driving lanes on the roads. Some are so high that it's even hard to see the top of the MoHo which is nearly 11 feet.

After getting things fixed, we parked in Wal-Mart and rented a car to drive out to Mo's house where the snow is many feet deep. That was fun as well just trying to walk up to her door without crashing into a big snow hole. Drove back to town, bought a burger and and actually got back over the pass before any more snow hit. It was a gorgeous sunny 4 degrees when we left Klamath, and pouring and 43 degrees by the time we hit the valley in California.

You never saw 2 more worn out old ladies in your life. We both drove, but Mo did the last really hard part from the valley up to my house with all the hard rain and narrow roads with no shoulders and curvy stuff. I hate that awful feeling of driving and having to keep driving when I am sooooo sleepy and tired. ugh.

When we hit I-5 yesterday I also had a feeling Deanna had to be somewhere around since her trainer does most of his driving on that I-5 route and I was hoping to at least pass her and wave. Of course, I didn't know what color her truck was or even where she was and didn't get an answer when I called her in the morning. But as we left Klamath, she called, and lucky for me she was actually about 300 miles south of Sacramento, and we were just about 300 miles north of Sacramento, and all this meant a good chance for meeting in the middle. Yaay.

Next thing I know, it's Deanna again, saying she can't get her big rig into any parking lots and would I mind shopping for her for some goodies that she needed? This was good for a laugh and I stopped at the Redding Wal-Mart. As we got closer, we kept checking in and decided that the Dunnigan Pilot was a good place for us to gas up and for them to actually be able to park the truck. So much fun to see Deanna coming into that huge place in a huge rig in the dark. We sat there waiting for half an hour or so watching all those rigs and were amazed at the number of big rigs coming and going. The number of trucks on that road is pretty staggering. The other thing that we noticed is that most of the I-5 truckers are pretty nice, courteous, and don't really do that awful tailgaiting and speeding that was so prevalent as we crossed the country on I-80 back in May last year. Will have to ask Deanna what that is all about.

Deanna jumped out of her rig looking great as always even in her flannel shirt and work boots. I got to meet her trainer Mike and took some photos, of course that was embarrassing to both Deanna and Mike with all the other big rigs around there watching, but gee, I'm the mom, I can do stuff like that.

It was so fun seeing her and giving her a big hug, even though the whole visit lasted maybe 10 minutes. Might be different when she and Keith are driving together, we could actually meet somewhere if they are close by and maybe have a meal. Haven't seen Deanna since the reunion last August, so this was a little treat, for sure. Photos are up on the picassa site as well.

Amxious dreaming

I woke this morning with a dream still strong in my consciousness. In an airport and rushing to the gate, feeling anxious about being late. Sure enough, when I got there, the gate captain said the plane was loading at 3pm and it was already 3:15. Too late. My heart sunk as I realized that the next plane didn’t leave until 5pm and I didn’t know if I could get where I was going when I needed to be there.

A dream like this is fairly common, I am sure, so I got out all my dream book and tried to find the easy interpretation, the one where I didn’t have to do all the dream work that is required for a real interpretation, aka journaling the dream, identifying the characters and the symbols, processing what the symbols mean to me. After all, it’s Wednesday and I have to go to work, and I’m feeling all squirrelly because of this dream. Anxious.

So I look it up in the old Betty Bethard’s quickie dream dictionary and find out that an airplane, much like a stairway, suggests going to a higher ‘plane’, a higher spiritual place, and I see that I am missing that right now, not going there. OK, I can see this. I have been focused on work and house remodeling and of course, on the coming possible changes at work, in my job, in what is required of me here and what may be required of me in the next few month. Hmmm

Then finally taking the easy way out. Google the “missed airplane” and what comes up but this:

To dream that you are late, denotes your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future. You feel time is running out and that you do not have time to accomplish all the things you want.

Ahh, perfect. Resonance. I feel this one clearly, and see also how the other dreams I have had lately about my old flower business, of not being ready and not having anything ready to sell reflect this same fear and ambivalence about the change I may make fairly soon. My subconscious telling me that this may not be easy, that there may be some problems that I am not aware of, some difficulties associated with jumping off one more time into something new. One more time.

So later, after thinking a bit, I did some more internet searching and found this:


Description: You are rushing to catch a bus, train, ship, airplane or other public transport, only to miss it, usually by a fraction of a second. The dream may involve various misadventures en route to the transport. You often feel frustrated rather than afraid in these dreams. You may be lacking vital papers, such as tickets, passport or visa. In a variation of this theme, you arrive too late for a performance in which you are supposed to participate and find that the play, musical production, sports competition or other event has already begun. (Dreams in which you are having trouble during a performance are classified with "I fail on a test or perform poorly.")
Frequency: Missing the boat dreams are moderately common. Some people have them often, others rarely. They usually arise when you feel anxious about making an important connection to one of your waking goals.
Usual meanings: You feel you've missed some opportunity in your waking life; you're too late; you can't make a connection, that you need to pull yourself together to make the connections you desire.
Where are you going in your dream?
Why are you going there?
What is it that makes you feel you are "too late" or that you don't have what you need to take your part on the stage of life? If missing documents variation:
What are you currently trying to accomplish in your waking life?
What's missing for you to do your job properly or to get what you want?
How can you better prepare yourself for what you want to do

So now, instead of worrying, I’ll take the message of my dream world, answer the questions, and do the work. My dreams are here to help me, to wake me up, no pun intended, to make me pay attention.
I am not really sure where I am going, except I hope to be going back to Oregon because I want to be closer to my kids and I want to be back in a place that feels like home.
Why I feel I am too late? Maybe because I didn’t try to do it last September the first time I had the chance, or maybe because it’s too late in my career for these kinds of jumping moves. I’m feeling anxious about the shift, the change and that I may actually miss the opportunity. Ahh well, I guess I’ll wait to see what the dreaming self has to tell me now that I have come this far with it all.

Another great grandchild, my third

Orion was born in December to Tracey in Wenatchee. My grandson Jeremy is his father, and yet he is no longer with Tracey. Life goes on, I guess, and this is sad, but no one knows the inside workings of a relationship and why they go awry. Iraq? Youth? Who knows. But here is a sweet little boy that I may never get to know with time and distance and the way life can get in the way of these things. I'm glad Deanna and Keith were in Wenatchee when he was born and at least got to spend a bit of time with him before they went on the road in their trucking adventures. I have some sweet photos that I will post shortly, but wanted to honor this baby boy as the newest member of my ever growing family

Last days Quartzite Joshua Tree and Home

January 3, 2008
Thursday morning

We are driving west for the last time on this adventure, going down the curvy freeway over HWY58 Tehachapi Pass heading into black scary looking clouds over Bakersfield and fighting big trucks that smell like nasty diesel smoke as they gear down for the grade. We left Mojave at 6am knowing that we need to get to Jamestown before the big storm really hits hard. The weather service has changed the high wind watch to a high wind warning for northern and central California with winds up to 65 miles an hour in the valleys. Valleys? One storm after another is predicted with the really big ones to hit tomorrow. Let’s hope that they are right and that one more time we are just out of reach of the worst of it and safely home and parked. Sonora has rain and wind predicted for the next week. A great time to lay low.

We enjoyed Quartzite, although we were a couple of days too early for things to be really going yet and most of the shows were still closed. There were enough places open along the main drag that Mo could get the flea market crazy feel of the area a bit and we shopped for things like duct tape and a hammer to replace what we had left behind in the Baby MoHo. We camped out beyond the BLM Long Term Camping Area which was about 6 miles south of town. The Long Term Area was about 1/3 full of RV’s, many of them with tall flags blowing in the strong wind so that their owners could find them out there. It’s all random and a lot of it looks the same so it’s easy to lose your rig.




The LTCA areas require a permit for 14 days consecutive or for a season, and charge a very small fee. In that area there are trash and outhouses and minimal water available at La Posa, but the regulations say come prepared to dry camp with plenty of water and gas for your generator and empty waste tanks. It’s an interesting place and many people go there to escape the winter cold and camp for almost nothing in the desert.

When we were there, it was fairly chilly and windy, enough so that we didn’t want to take advantage of the fire ring and the ability to have a fire. We haven’t had one on this whole trip. But this really was the trip of exploration, not a trip to camp and relax around the fires. Just talking about how we really didn’t even have much chance to sit around outside at all because it was either too cold or too dark by the time we would settle in for the night, or the few times we were in a place for more than one night, we were busy doing things that we wanted to do in the area. I do imagine it to be a bit different when I am actually retired and on a bit off a less tight schedule. Staying for a week somewhere might give us time for the delights of sitting around in the evening with a fire and our little lights that look so cheery. At least we got to put them out in Florida, and they delighted both of us. No flamingos, however, just refined little lamps and some chili ristras. LOL

At the La Posa area south of Quartzite, there were circles of motorhomes that looked like the old wagon train thing, and they had big fires, maybe a dozen rigs camped together out there for reunions or celebrations. Looked as though it could be fun sometime, but I wouldn’t want to travel that way for any length of time.

We slept well there, and the rv performed just fine with the slideout working well, the levelers doing great on the uneven rocky ground, and the generator giving us enough power to use the microwave and charge up the computer and catch up on email. We didn’t both with the tv or trying to get a signal there at all.





Next morning we got up and had a good breakfast, enjoying the desert light a bit and didn’t get packed up and driving until 10 or so, thinking we had an easy day. 300 miles should be an easy day if we don’t try to do anything extra, but on this day we planned to see Joshua Tree National Park. Even though it was overcast in the morning, but the time we got on I-10 the skies were clear and bright. The turn into Joshua Tree wasn’t far from the California State Line and we went into the park, ambled the narrow roads and checked out the visitor center. This park doesn’t allow dogs on any of the trails, so we couldn’t go walking with Abby anywhere, but we did drive around a couple of the campgrounds, including the Belle campground which was small but seemed like the least crowded and the best place for us. The Jumbo Rocks campground was almost full and much busier, and we managed to get back on a cul-de-sac where turning the rig around was a bit dicey, especially since it was an uneven dirt road where we would have a much difficulty trying to unhook the Geo. After a bit off jockeying we got around the turn and breathed that sigh of relief that also said we were glad none of the tent campers there were around to watch us!

We looked at a few more campgrounds, and then stopped at a simple wide place in t he road all on our own to park and have lunch and take Abby for a little walk just out into the rocks. Perfect. No people, nice view, perfect amenities, while I made a light lunch for us and we relaxed a bit looking at the soft rounded granite shapes of the landscape. Joshua Tree would be a nice place to camp and relax a bit, and maybe have some time to actually build a fire and bring out the cards. I think we played dominoes once on this trip, and am not sure if we ever managed a single card game. Geez.

Leaving Joshua Tree we traveled along the desert through Johnston Valley, which is still BLM land and designated OHV area. The good part about this is that we didn’t see any OHV’s, just a very long vista of wide open undeveloped desert. Something to think about when I complain about those OHVer’s taking over the country. Not a house or a pole in sight. It was truly beautiful. On west to HWY 18 and Bear Valley Road where we took a side trip south on Central and east on Roundup Way to find Mo’s old rental house in Apple Valley when she was teaching there so long ago. The little block house was actually still there, although surrounded by some mcmansions, but they all shared the same once magnificent view of the desert to the north, marred now by development as far as your eye could see. It was especially bad to the west toward Victorville and Hesperia, and as we headed west again on Bear Valley Road I felt as though we had dropped into some kind of hell. All I could think of is how grateful I was that I never applied for the soils job in Victorville and felt sorry for Paul who went to that job from rural Colorado.


Ahh, back on HWY 99 going north now, passing through Bakersfield, and the road is so rough I can barely type, the air smells like oil and there a lots of trucks. California. Maryruth doesn’t like it when I say these things, but I just can barely tolerate being anywhere here anymore. Especially now, after traveling more than 6,000 miles, the contrast between most of California and the rest of the country is intense. Most of the population density in other places seems to be concentrated, and as you leave the cities you can escape the pressure. Here it is just everywhere, and the infrastructure is aging and there is more trash than anyplace else on the trip. It just feels so old and dirty . As dirty and worn down as New Orleans felt, I still didn’t see the kind of trash along the highways that I see here in California. I really don’t understand this part, all the other states seem to manage to do a great job of cleaning up highway trash except this one. What is that all about? Driving along the highway here the smells are overpowering as well, cows, onions, diesel, and oil fields. Yum.

We finally made it to our CampClub USA campground just before they closed at 6 and found our place to settle in. One more time one of the fancy bells and whistles for the MoHo gave us some trouble. While we were driving through Joshua Tree, the warning light for the leveling jacks came on, and we stopped, turned off the engine, and it went off. But then last night when we tried to level the rig, nothing happened, no lights, no power to the touch panel, nothing. In spite of all the manuals we have in the huge box, there wasn’t a speck of info on the levelers, so we went searching the internet. Only problem, is that in Mojave, even though I had 4 and 5 bars on the phone card, the connections was still s l o w w w . as in very nearly not moving at all. In spite of that, we found the HWH Hydraulic Levelers web site and found the owner’s manuals, the operation manuals, and even a powerpoint demonstration on how to level the rig. Sure do wish I had that in the beginning! But all to no avail, except to reassure us that sooner or later we will get some good help from either Rueben at Stahman’s or from HWH directly and eventually the levelers will work again. Lucky for us it was the last night and our site was unbelievably perfectly level. Something that doesn’t often happen even in the most expensive parks. And our little place only cost 13 bucks last night! It was after 9 when we finally gave up on figuring out the problem and went to bed. About then Mo discovered some glitches in the Fantastic Fan in the bathroom, but thank goodness she agreed that we didn’t want to spend one more minute trying to figure something out.

After a good night’s sleep we woke around 5 and decided that we could leave in the dark, a good plan since as I said, we are trying to beat the big scary storm that is on the way. I may need to just give up on typing now as well, since this pavement is too bumpy to manage a full line without having to backspace and make a ton of corrections.

Once more, reflection is left till the end and goes wanting. It’s the last day and we are going home. Maybe some reflections on the trip overall will come on a quiet evening at home when it’s all done. But more than anything, I have to be thankful for how safe and blessed we have been throughout this entire trip, as though angels were following us and leading us and making the way. It can’t just be coincidence for 6000 miles, I don’t believe, I do believe we have guardians watching over us keeping us safe, and even keeping me from having to do the painful loss thing that I thought I was going to have to do with Teddy. Thank you is too small a phrase for what I feel about this. But. Thank you.

January 4 and it's raining in Sonora

I am home, the travels are finished, and I am back to work, trying to catch up. Might take some time. My internet connection at home is down, thank you ATT, so it might be a few days before I can finish up the last of the travels.

I can't believe how blessed I was on this whole trip. Very few glitches and home safe after 5 weeks on the road, yeah sure, a minor detail here and there. Moana's rib is still tender but her cuts have all healed. Teddy is home acting as if life is completely normal after his little escapade. The huge storm battering California waited until we had parked and emptied the motorhome and settled in, only waking me in the night with the pounding rain and wind blowing the car port metal around a bit. Lucky or angels, who knows, but I am grateful.

I'm looking forward to some quiet time, to the weekend, to actually getting the laundry finished and the mementos put away, but that will all come. For now, I'm watching the black clouds race by outside my window and getting back into work mode