Big Sigh

Ahh, and not a good or a bad sigh, really, just a sigh. Mo left this morning for Klamath after the two of us spending more than a month traveling, and then a month remodeling. I am now back to me, some space, time to do nothing. No painting walls after work, and I can lie in bed and eat ice cream if I want. Ha! There ARE some guilty pleasures to living alone. Although if I had to choose I would give up eating ice cream in bed for comfortable companionship.

Susan and I have talked about this a lot. How do you keep from losing yourself in the process of sharing life with another person. I am not sure, because no matter how much I feel as though I am an independent entity, there are still subtle differences around the way I am when Mo is around and when she isn't. But I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. Most of the places where I am different are self indulgent kinds of things that I don't do so much when I am not alone. Whining. I don't whine as much. Hah! Now that's funny to me even as I write it.

Although I don't have as much time to listen to others whining either, and maybe sometimes sharing that gentle thing, that little bit of whining thing, with friends, isn't so bad. I'm not sure. I am re-evaluating some of that I guess.

But I am not whining right now, not even to myself. I have 3 weeks of alone working time, get the house cleaned up, all rooms at once finally, relax a bit, work long hours again and get caught up on things, and then we leave for Kauai. 3 weeks alone is a nice thing, I think. Nice thing when I know it's not the way my life is going forever, and that I will have some companionship more often than not. Makes the alone thing quite pleasureable actually.

Maryruth will come this weekend to visit for a couple of days and we can have some girl time. We will play cards and cook and eat and talk about our kids and lives and laugh a lot as usual. Nothing like lifetime girlfriends for that kind of thing. I am blessed.

I am blessed this day because it isn't raining or snowing or blowing or hot, it's just a clear lovely cool beautiful day in California in February. My most whiney month. In days past when I would call Maryruth and be all out of sorts and unhappy, she would say, "Gee, it must be February". Long cold wet gray winter days that go on forever with no end it sight, and no sunlight would just do me in. At the moment I am watching the sun brighten the hills as it comes up all golden and peach colored, and the live oaks with their full leafed out canopies are still green above the green grass of the ball field at the school across the street from my office. Not a bad February view, and not a bad day for Mo to be driving north, up I-5, home to Klamath. Back to several feet of snow and freezing fog. Gee, that sounds fun! Ha again. I am counting my blessings