Sitting in my office, working past closing time, printing maps, printing legends, putting finishing touches on all sorts of things. It is raining outside, and the entire day has felt cold and dreary. Not used to that much here in Sonora, it seems just a short time ago the sun was beating in these office windows with no relief.
I finished up the "exit/transition" meeting this week with Kit and Glenn and my crew. Working on the exit report, making sure that everyone knows where everything is and how to do everything. There may be some lag time between my leaving the the new project leader's entrance. It will be fine. The guys have learned a lot, will know what to do. Meghan will be OK with their help. I can pass the baby off without feeling too badly about abandoning it. Today finishing up the General Soils Map draft was rewarding. The survey may only be half done, but we still have 350,000 acres finished, and done well. Feels good.
I have just another week to work before going home for a week at Christmas, then another week after that. Three weeks and it will be done. My worries are getting redundant. Will I have enough money. How will my ego handle being nothing more than a retired old lady. No matter how much I think I have lots of interests and lots to do, I am recognizing that more than a little bit of me is wrapped up in this working identity. The soil scientist, the MLRA Project Leader, the one who always gets it done and done well. I keep thinking about this transition. I know I am ready, that I want to do it, and yet the thoughts keep surfacing. As usual, I often worry way too much beforehand and when the reality comes I am just fine. I imagine that will be the case this time as well.
I will be retired. "Retired". I will say that the same way I have heard others say that in the past. A statement that hints at long successful years doing something productive. A statement that says, I have earned this. Space, Time, Travel, Moments, Family, Gardens, Coffee mornings, Sunlight coming in a window that I don't have to leave. Only an occasional deadline, and usually self imposed. Writing, Knitting, Art, and more writing. I hope I live up to the call, live up to the dream of all that I think I can do when I don't have to keep going to work, hope I can fill the space that this work will leave when it is gone. I have never wondered or questioned this until now, just lately. Just a bit of wondering.
Home tonight to the empty house. It is REALLY empty, especially now in the winter, in the rain. One chair, Mo's rocker from Rocky Point, a few pictures, left overs to keep if from feeling empty. The TV. Everything else is already home in Rocky Point. Each day I move along, thinking about what is coming, working hard on what is finishing. Three weeks and counting.
I finished up the "exit/transition" meeting this week with Kit and Glenn and my crew. Working on the exit report, making sure that everyone knows where everything is and how to do everything. There may be some lag time between my leaving the the new project leader's entrance. It will be fine. The guys have learned a lot, will know what to do. Meghan will be OK with their help. I can pass the baby off without feeling too badly about abandoning it. Today finishing up the General Soils Map draft was rewarding. The survey may only be half done, but we still have 350,000 acres finished, and done well. Feels good.
I have just another week to work before going home for a week at Christmas, then another week after that. Three weeks and it will be done. My worries are getting redundant. Will I have enough money. How will my ego handle being nothing more than a retired old lady. No matter how much I think I have lots of interests and lots to do, I am recognizing that more than a little bit of me is wrapped up in this working identity. The soil scientist, the MLRA Project Leader, the one who always gets it done and done well. I keep thinking about this transition. I know I am ready, that I want to do it, and yet the thoughts keep surfacing. As usual, I often worry way too much beforehand and when the reality comes I am just fine. I imagine that will be the case this time as well.
I will be retired. "Retired". I will say that the same way I have heard others say that in the past. A statement that hints at long successful years doing something productive. A statement that says, I have earned this. Space, Time, Travel, Moments, Family, Gardens, Coffee mornings, Sunlight coming in a window that I don't have to leave. Only an occasional deadline, and usually self imposed. Writing, Knitting, Art, and more writing. I hope I live up to the call, live up to the dream of all that I think I can do when I don't have to keep going to work, hope I can fill the space that this work will leave when it is gone. I have never wondered or questioned this until now, just lately. Just a bit of wondering.
Home tonight to the empty house. It is REALLY empty, especially now in the winter, in the rain. One chair, Mo's rocker from Rocky Point, a few pictures, left overs to keep if from feeling empty. The TV. Everything else is already home in Rocky Point. Each day I move along, thinking about what is coming, working hard on what is finishing. Three weeks and counting.
