This conversation has been just so good for me personally, and I hope for everyone, to see that these choices and conflicts are really themes that cross over economic boundaries somehow. No matter how much we have or don't have, we are all still trying to figure out how to do it as we age. And the choices we make now have such a great bearing on how we will be as those little old ladies that we watch and wonder. At least I do. How did that person become so alone? How did that happen to this vibrant woman? I have really good mentors on this level and really good examples of how NOT to do it, so I am learning I hope.
Just recently my godmother Wilma let go of her condo, her car, and most of her possessions to move into an assisted living place. She practices yoga often, and has a wonderful outlook on life in general, and trust in a Higher Power. Her take on it all was that she was getting the opportunity to begin the "letting go" of the end of her life. She is 83 now, and her memory is going. She fell last year and broke her hip pulling the cork out of a bottle of good white wine. I went to visit her and she lost Costco, and we drove around her town for a very long time trying to find our way back to her house. I was so relieved when she moved out of her condo and went to the assisted living place. But she is my mentor when it comes to trusting in the ultimate order of the Universe and the power of the Higher Power.
I know that somehow, we will all have a roof over our head. There are a lot of homeless people out there, but I don't think any one of us will go there, even if we are renting a condo or an apartment somewhere. Trust and safety. Just what kind of space do I really need, or do any of us need to feel safe. I know I need to know that I can live somewhere where no one can tell me I can't keep my cats. Big issue with renting, and yet I know people with animals who rent. You figure it out, I guess. My sister rents, and her landlord won't let her paint or put anything on the walls, so she has these velcro thingys and hangs all her colorful quilts on the wall and the place looks like her home did back in the days when she was married and had a home of her own. So that goes back to the stuff part. I will keep just enough stuff to keep my space feeling like my space, and I too have learned here in this last move to California, that I don't need as much. I am clearing out and paring down and letting some things go, and some not. I have a porcelain chicken for pete's sake. I love that chicken. stupid, but somehow it pleases me to walk out into the kitchen in the morning and see the colors on that chicken. Reminds me of the days when I had real chickens, the sound of there gentle clucking and the smell of straw sweet and clean. I will take the chicken to Mo's.
I went through a woman's home after her death, Barb, my grandmother, and things were in such disarray that I vowed to never let my children have to do the same. Letting go of "stuff". Still working on the photos and files and mementos of our lives, and making those choices now. Need vs want. Still not at the point where I could let someone do that for me, though... Not sure about that one at all! I love the piano story. I let my first piano go to pay for my college tuition and I do play the piano. I now have a digital piano, easy to move, and yet I can still play. Did I ever tell anyone here that I played classical piano for the symphony in southern california as a teenager? Couldn't do that now, of course, but I can still play when I am moved to do so. Another retirement dream, but who will I play for?
And like you, Barb, even the move to Mo's place in Rocky Point probably won't be the last one. Mo thought she would build that house and keep it for 10 or 15 years and then sell the property and move into some kind of condo, more easy to care for. If we live long enough, we will probably leave that place eventually. It has lots of grass to mow and wood heat and is a big property. And as you said, I know Mo well enough and trust her to do something reasonable regarding how long I could stay there if she were to pass on first. I wouldn't want to live there anyway if she were gone. I have 4 kids, and if I were alone it would be important to be where some of them are at least. So even though I am trying to plan and prepare, there are still unknowns. Mo planned and prepared for her life so carefully, and then Carol died after they were together 25 years, screwed up the plan considerably, and yet Mo still followed her plan. Stuff happens.
So yeah, the final move may or may not appear, and the plan always has to make room for adjustments and changes, especially as you said earlier about the new realities in economics. Right now owning property or a home is a bit scary, and the investment isn't always going to go up. No guarantees on anything at all. So we can just keep on looking forward, making plans, and knowing those plans are only possibilities and somehow be ready to deal with upsets and shifts, and still have dreams and make more plans. Maybe it's about being attached to the plans and dreams that is the problem. Learning how to have them and yet how to let them go and not be attached when things shift. Barb, you are learning that in such a huge way right now. The shift in plans. So thoughtful when you said you did it too early. A good understanding there, it just wasn't time yet for you.
Charlie and Linda, I love watching you two build your life together, and seeing the love come through as you deal with the adjustments of kids and family and stuff and style. Bottom line is the love and the willingness to adjust.
And Virginia, you and Helen as well, shifting, changing, making adjustments over and over as you deal with place and stuff and choices. I am just trying here to think about the bigger picture, and seeing that economic realities are the surface of things, and there are underlying lessons for all of us that resonate and sound familiar. Things we are supposed to learn about being in this human body doing this human thing. Things I have seen people evolve and learn gracefully, and things other people I have watch kicking and screaming to the end and refusing to learn and grow at all. I guess some of us do and some of us don't. I hope I do. What an incredible blessing to have a place to talk and think about something other than the pragmatic everyday thoughts that seem to take over. Thanks to you beautiful batch of women that I have known for 7 years now!!!! WOW.
Hugs
Malone
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