Friend thoughts

I have an online group of "friends", sometimes we write with a lot of energy, other times there isn't a post for weeks. One of those friends just posted that she finished her dissertation, and just received a contract for a book about friendships between women. Her discussion gave me the opportunity to put down in words what has been rolling around in my mind a lot lately.

My kids have become my best friends, even my son now in his 40's. I don't understand him much, he is a redneck boy from Missouri, but we talk on the phone at least every week and sometimes more. My daughters are the friends who don't leave. Maybe we get angry, or frustrated, or busy, but we don't leave. I find that now with them in their 40's my role as protector is lessened, but the role of listener never ceases.

In relationships, I have found "The One" several times. It seems there is definitely more than one "One" for some of us, depending on where we are in our life, our personal growth, our needs and desires at a particular stage of life. and the question, "are you settling?" most often seems to come from those who are really dissatisfied in their own lives and relationships, and yes, I too get frustrated at that question. I love "settling". I love the settled feeling that comes with friendship and companionship and love (small case). I love not having to fight or cry or fear or be depressed any more. Well, I get depressed with too much heat or too much darkness, but not with my everyday life. Depression to me is the key, if I am depressed then I know that I am either stuck, or angry, or am not listening to my inner self. I have been hugely depressed in my lifetime when I was with someone that I thought was "The One".

Friendships, I guess, must be like that. They flow through life like waves in the ocean, coming and going, and some, like those big solid heavy stones on the beach, just stay there no matter what. I can count them on my one hand. My grandmother used to say that, and I pooh poohed her, in my days of women's group, and online groups, and really close girlfriends. But with time and distance, those friends came and went for me as well.

A decade ago I had a completely different view of friendship. I had friends then I thought would be part of my life forever. One is dead, one is probably a bit crazier than really knew, but I still count her on that lifetime list, one and only one is still my lifetime friend, and another one refuses to remain my friend, even after many many promises of lifetime friendship. The women's group friends are all faded, due to distance and time, I guess, but I never thought that would happen. Online friends I have never met, another whole story, as close as the computer screen, and as ephemeral as electrons floating in the universe.

Funny this question should come to me right now because it has been something that I have been thinking on a lot lately. Especially as I pack and go through all my old stuff and photos, clearing, deciding what to keep, what to let go of. Parts of me are going in boxes, and parts of me are going to goodwill, and parts of me are going into the trash pile. It's a big sifting process that has to do where I am in my life right now.

I guess my thoughts and feelings about friendship are just one of the things I am sorting and sifting.