I got the job!!

Photo of Bel and her 20 plus year old cat, Snowy, in Florida

Still buzzy I guess. Since it's 5am and I have been up since 2:30. Can't sleep, thinking of all the things that I need to do in the next days and weeks during the move. This morning I started with going through some old work papers, trying to clear out the space, throw away what I no longer need and don't want to move.

30 years of soils work looking me right in the face. 30 years of digging holes and climbing mountains and fighting bugs. 30 years of scratching my head trying to figure out what in the world was going on in one more crazy mixed up landscape. Reading back over my old appraisals made me remember just how much soil survey has changed since I started with an auger and a couple of black and white 4/mile photos sitting on a velvet brown hilltop in Moscow, Idaho. Now it's GIS, LANDSAT imagery, spatial analyst, looking at the landscape in a million ways remotely via computer before we even think about putting a line on a map.

More changes. I have been selected to train new soil scientists in Basic Soil Survey. That should be a kick, but also requires me to travel to Nebraska to the soil survey headquarters for a week right here in the middle of my move. Someone said just expect for things to be all screwy for the first 6 months. Somehow I don't imagine my new boss being comfortable with 6 months of non productive time. I have to hit the ground running I am sure.But the teaching should be fun.

Teaching. I am in my first Heirophant cycle, and the Heirophant year. I have spent the last 10 years of my Emperor cycle paying attention to making my place in the world, developing my career, establishing myself. The Emperor. Integration of the male aspect of myself. Done. Now I move forward into the next cycle, and I felt it the minute the new year hit. Funny how Tarot numerology works. Those year numbers are a completely artificial manmade construct, and yet often you can feel the change when the numbers change. I am a scientist, and walk a fine line between belief and skepticism, but coincidence may only be that, but it's still fun to watch and observe.

It's also the ending of my Death year, and I have asked over and over what that means to me. Again, it seems that I am being asked to let go of so many things. My safe harbour here in Klamath, my home, at least for a time. I decided that any time I was presented with an opportunity to let go, I would do it fully. My biggest flaw is the hanging on thing.Letting go of even friendship with my ex love, one I thought would be a lifetime friendship, even if we weren't lovers. Not to be. And so I didn't return the last email where she said she didn't want to be friends, that our kind of emotional intimacy was reserved for lovers, that she didn't want a telephone friendship, that she wasn't willing. After four years. I almost emailed back all her letters saying she would be my friend forever, but that's irrelevant because as she said so often, "My truth changes". How's that for a copout!

Letting go of Bel. Well, I will probably never do that one completely. Bel is family to me. Bel is more of a grandmother to my kids than I was in so many ways. Always in the background, in her craziness, and yet always there and always loving my grandkids as if they were her own. Her biggest project right now is making sure that Jeremy is ok. No, I won't let go of Bel. My granddaughter Hillary probably has Asbergers, and Melody and I have talked about how likely it is that is what is different about Bel as well. She fits the syndrome perfectly. Makes it easier to understand her creativity, her intelligence, her amazing memory about things that are impossibly minute, and her seeming craziness to the world around her.

I do love Bel dearly. She is in my heart. So no, I won't let go of that. and I long ago let go of any idea of Bel and I as a couple. I couldn't even really accept that when we lived together because there was so much difference between us. Thinking about the Asbergers though I understand it all so much better now.I am writing away here, just for me, so if anyone happens to fall into this space, well, hopefully you have left by now.

Writing here to try to have a place to unload. Still wondering why I write it here instead of in my own journal in Word, but for some reason, it's different. Just a little bit different. Although it would be nice if ModBlog would at least manage to keep the photos up and such. Everything else is so easy and the layouts are easy and pretty, so I just avoid going to a new blog site because it's too much trouble. At least I figured out I could back up my entries so that's a good thing.

Tomorrow I go visit Bel in Florida, just a short 5 days there with a day on each end for flying, but 5 days of Florida velvet air, in the 70's. Getting away from this snow and ice and gray cold skies. Supposed to be windy today, but who knows. Weather advisories and yet I am planning to drive over the pass to buy a tv at Circuit City, just to save the interest. 2 years no interest if I can get there today. Geez. I feel slightly,....no a lot...crazy.My cat has been sick, and 400 bucks later, he is better now. My house is refinanced to a reasonable rate. My house is appreciating as I speak, so of course I won't sell it. Hope I find a good renter. Cat here on my arms, resting at the computer with me. Makes it hard to type. Ok. off to more stuff packing moving sorting all that stuff.Thinking about how my life is changing again. Trying to figure out where I will live and how it will feel to be leaving Klamath for California. 30 years ago I left California, and now I return. My feelings are all over the map actually.